Книга: Лучшие смешные рассказы / Best Funny Stories
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1. Выберите правильный вариант:

1. I paid only fifty pounds: original fourteen and tenpence.

2. I paid only thirty pounds: original fourteen and tenpence.

3. I paid only sixty pounds: original fourteen and tenpence.

4. I paid only ten pounds: original fourteen and tenpence.

ОТВЕТ: I paid only fifty pounds: original fourteen and tenpence.



2. What was the name of the man who would manage?

1. Poppletone

2. Peopleton

3. Poppleton

4. Pappleton

ОТВЕТ: Poppleton



3. When Poppleton was trying to teach a frog to swim, how old was he?

1. 4 years old

2. 5 years old

3. 10 years old

4. 3 years old

ОТВЕТ: 3 years old



4. What is a school treat?

1. a small talk

2. an excursion at which people eat meal outdoors

3. a sport competition

4. a discussion

ОТВЕТ: an excursion at which people eat meal outdoors



5. The game “literary consequences” is connected with…

1. biology

2. geography

3. English language

4. literature

ОТВЕТ: literature



6. Who is the magistrate?

1. a police officer

2. a golf-player

3. an officer who administers the law

4. a teacher

ОТВЕТ: an officer who administers the law



7. Which was the fare to Piccadilly Circus?

1. threepence

2. twopence

3. fourpence

4. sixpence

ОТВЕТ: twopence



8. When is Christmas?

1. 25th of December

2. 10th of January

3. 1st of May

4. 2nd of June

ОТВЕТ: 25th of December



9. Выберите правильный вариант:

1. No sport competition was complete without him.

2. No quarrel was complete without him.

3. No excursion was complete without him.

4. No school lesson quarrel was complete without him.

ОТВЕТ: No quarrel was complete without him.



10. Выберите нужный глагол:

He was always ready to ________ when he made a mistake.

1. refuse

2. leave

3. run

4. admit

ОТВЕТ: He was always ready to admit when he made a mistake.



11. Выберите нужные существительные:

He generally came in as __________, and finished as a __________.

1. judge, peacemaker

2. witness, mediator

3. lawyer, manager

4. mediator, witness

ОТВЕТ: He generally came in as mediator, and finished as a witness.



12. Выберите нужный предлог:

I saw it was an application ______ the water-rate.

1. in

2. for

3. out

4. without

ОТВЕТ: I saw it was an application for the water-rate.



13. Ответьте на вопросы:

1. How many persons are mentioned in the story?

2. What are their names and occupation?

3. What have you learned about them?

4. What do you like and what don’t you like in the main character?

5. What would you do if you were the main character of the story?

6. What is the end of the story?

7. How can you explain the title of the story?

8. Retell the story.



14. Заполните таблицу:





ОТВЕТ:







The Man Who Went Wrong

I first met Jack Burridge nearly ten years ago on a North-country race-course. I was more interested in the crowd than in the race, when a sporting friend seized me by the arm and whispered hoarsely in my ear:–

“Punch Mrs. Waller.”

“Punch—?” I began.

“Punch Mrs. Waller,” he repeated more impressively, and disappeared.

I stared after him in blank amazement. Why is it necessary to punch poor Mrs. Waller? And how about myself?

I was passing the grand stand, and, glancing up, I saw a bookmaker’s board “Mrs. Waller, twelve to one”. Then I understood that “Mrs. Waller” was a horse, and my friend’s advice, expressed in more usual language, was “Back ‘Mrs. Waller’ for as much as you can possibly afford.”

“No, thank you,” I said to myself, “I shall make the selection by myself. I don’t need any advice.”

But my friend’s words sounded in my head. The birds over my head were singing, “Back Mrs. Waller, back Mrs. Waller!”

I was on the other side of the course. There was no time to get back. The horses were ready for the start. A few yards off, under a white umbrella, a bookmaker was shouting his final prices. He was a big, good-looking man, with an honest red face.

“What price ‘Mrs. Waller’?” I asked him.

“Fourteen to one,” he answered, “and good luck to you, sir.”

I gave him half a sovereign, and he gave me a ticket. I put it into my waistcoat pocket, and ran to see the race. To my astonishment “Mrs. Waller” won.

I began to search for the man under the white umbrella. I went to where I thought I had left him, but no white umbrella could I find.

Suddenly a voice called me:–

“Here you are, sir. Do you want Jack Burridge? Over here, sir.”

I looked round, and there was Jack Burridge nearby.

It was pleasant to find that his honest face had not cheated me.

“It is very good of you,” I said; “Please, my seven pounds.”

“Seven pounds ten,” he corrected me; “you’re forgetting your own money.”

He gave me the money and went back to his stand.

On my way into the town I met him again. A small crowd was collected: a tramp was beating a miserable-looking woman. Jack took off his coat immediately.

“Now then, my good old English gentleman,” he cried, “come and try to talk to me.”

The tramp was very big and ugly, and I have seen better boxers than Jack. The tramp hit him, the result was a black eye and a nasty cut over the lip. But Jack did not go away and finished him.

At the end, when Jack was helping the tramp to stand up, he said to the fellow in a kindly whisper:–

“Hey, why are you beating that poor lady? You’re too strong, even for me. Easy, easy.”

The fellow interested me. I waited and walked on with him. He told me about his home in London, at Mile End – about his old father and mother, his little brothers and sisters – and what he was planning to do for them. He was very kind.

Many people knew Jack, and all, when they saw his round, red face, smiled unconsciously. At the corner of the High Street a pale-faced little girl said “Good-evening, Mr. Burridge.”

He caught her by the shoulder.

“And how is your father?” he asked.

“Oh, Mr. Burridge, he is without job again. All the factories are closed,” answered the child.

“And mother?”

“No better, sir.”

He took a couple of sovereigns from his waistcoat pocket, and closed the child’s hand upon them.

“Please write me if things don’t get better. You know where to find Jack Burridge.”

I decided, on my return to London, to find him, and one evening I went to the Mile End Road where he lived. When I turned the corner I saw him with an old woman, whom he introduced to me as his mother.

He invited to enter his house. There were many old people in the room. When he entered every face lightened up with pleasure. Jack cooked a wonderful supper, everybody was satisfied.

After supper he made some excellent whisky punch. For the children he prepared a marvellous drink, made from hot lemonade, sugar, oranges, and berries.

I stayed till late, I was listening to his wonderful stories. “What I do – I do to please myself. I like to see people comfortable.”

I did not see him again for nearly two years. Then one October evening, walking along the East End, I met him. He was coming out of a little Chapel in the Burdett Road. He changed a lot, and I hardly recognized him.

“Good-evening, Mr.Burridge!” I exclaimed. A pair of bushy side-whiskers gave his red face a respectable appearance. He was dressed in a black suit, and carried an umbrella in one hand and a book in the other. He looked both thinner and shorter than before.

His little eyes wandered up and down the street.

“No, sir,” he replied, “not the one as you used to know.”

“And what about your old business?” I asked.

“Oh, sir,” he replied, “that’s all over; I was a vile sinner. But, thank Heaven, I have changed.”

“Come and have a drink,” I said, “and tell me all about it.”

He objected.

“You know, sir,” he said, “but I have given up the drink.”

I asked about the old people, and if they were still living with him.

“Yes,” he said, “But, of course, everybody tries to use a man just because he is kind enough.”

“And how are you getting on?” I asked.

“Tolerably well, thank you, sir. The Lord does not forget His servants,” he replied with a smile. “I have got a little shop now in the Commercial Road.”

“Where?” I persisted. “I want to come and see you.”

He gave me the address reluctantly, and said he would be very glad if I would visit him, which was a lie.

The following afternoon I went to him. He had a pawnbroker’s shop, and his business ran well. Jack was attending a meeting, but his old father was behind the counter, and invited me inside. Though it was a chilly day there was no fire in the room, and the two old people were sitting silent and sad. After a while Mrs. Burridge’s sighed.

“Your son has changed a lot, Mrs. Burridge,” I remarked.

“Oh, sir,” she assented, “you are right.”

“Was it a sudden change?” I asked. “How did it happen?”

“It was a young woman,” explained the old lady. “She was collecting money for something, and Jack, gave her a five-pounds note. Next week she come again for something else, and talked to him about his soul. She told him that he was going straight to hell, and he had to give up the bookmaking and start a respectable, God-fearing business. At first he only laughed, but she gave him a lot of awful books; and one day she took him to the priest. He has never been the same Jack since then. He bought this house, but what is the difference? I can’t see. My heart aches, when I hear how my Jack cheats the poor people. His new friends told him that if the people are poor, that was their own fault, and it was the will of God.”

An angry discussion in the shop interrupted us. Jack returned, and was threatening an excited woman with the police. She miscalculated the date, and returned the money a day too late.

Jack came closer with the watch in his hand.

“Just look,” he said, smiling; “the watch is worth ten times what I lent on it.”

He sent his father back into the shop, and his mother to the kitchen to make his tea, and for a while we sat together talking. His conversation was a strange mixture of self-laudation and of satisfaction at the conviction that he was “saved,” combined with equally evident satisfaction that most other people weren’t. It was boring. I rose to go.

He took a religious paper from his pocket, and pointed to a column:

“You are not interested in the Lord’s gardens, I suppose, sir?”

I looked at the paper. There was the name, “Mr. John Burridge, one hundred guineas.”

“You subscribe largely, Mr. Burridge,” I said, and returned him the paper.

“The Lord will repay a hundredfold,” he answered.

“And it’s necessary to confirm it, eh?” I added.

His little eyes looked sharply at me; but he made no reply. I left him.

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