Chapter 10. The Lobster Quadrille

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply again. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or two he couldn’t. At last the Mock Turtle went on with tears running down his cheeks.

“You have not lived much under the sea, so you have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is!” said the Mock Turtle.

“It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice timidly.

“Would you like to see a little of it?” asked the sad creature.

“Very much,” said Alice.

“Come, let’s try the first figure!” said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. “We can do without lobsters, you know. Who shall sing?”

“Oh, YOU sing,” said the Gryphon. “I’ve forgotten the words.”

So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, while the Mock Turtle sang very slowly and sadly. The dance was long and dull. So Alice felt very glad when it was over at last and she said, “Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance to watch.”

Suddenly the Gryphon said, “Come, let’s hear some of YOUR adventures.”

“I could tell you my adventures – beginning from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly: “but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

“Explain all that,” demanded the Mock Turtle.

“No, no! The adventures first,” said the Gryphon in an impatient tone: “explanations take such a long time.”

So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it at first because the two creatures came so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so wide, but she gained courage and went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet all the time.

Then the Mock Turtle said thoughtfully. “I would like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to begin.” And he looked at the Gryphon.

“Stand up and repeat ‘TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,’” said the Gryphon.

“I could as well be at school now,” thought Alice. However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she didn’t think what she was saying, so the words were very strange: —

 

“It is the voice of the Lobster;

I heard him declare,

‘You have baked me too brown,

I must sugar my hair.’

As a duck with its eyelids,

so he with his nose

Trims his belt and his buttons,

and turns out his toes.”

 

“That’s different from what I said when I was a child,” said the Gryphon.

“Well, I never heard it before,” said the Mock Turtle; “but it sounds uncommon nonsense.”

Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands, wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.

“I would like to have an explanation,” said the Mock Turtle.

“She can’t explain it,” said the Gryphon hastily. “Go on with the next verse.”

“But about his toes?” the Mock Turtle asked again. “How COULD he turn them out with his nose, you know?”

“It’s the first position in dancing.” Alice said; but she was greatly puzzled by the whole thing, and wanted so much to change the subject.

“Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon repeated impatiently: “it begins “I passed by his garden.””

Alice felt sure it would all be wrong too, but she was ready to continue when suddenly the Mock Turtle interrupted her, “What IS the use of repeating all those things, if you don’t explain them? It’s the most confusing thing I ever heard!”

“Yes, I think you’d better stop it,” said the Gryphon: and Alice was very glad to do so.

“Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?” the Gryphon went on. “Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?”

“Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,” Alice replied, so fast that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, “Hm! Sing her “Turtle Soup,” then, old fellow.”

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began to sing.

Suddenly a cry “The trial’s beginning!” was heard in the distance.

“Come on!” cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.

“What trial is it?” Alice tried to ask as she ran; but the Gryphon only answered “Come on!” and they ran faster.

Chapter 11. Who Stole the Tarts?

When they arrived, the King and Queen of Hearts were sitting on their throne. Around them was a great crowd – different little birds and creatures, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, he was in chains and on each his side there was a soldier; and near the King was the White Rabbit. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts on it: they looked so delicious, that Alice felt quite hungry looking at them. – “I hope the trial will be finished soon,” she thought, “and everybody can have the refreshments!” But it seemed impossible, so she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was glad that she knew the name of nearly everything there. “That’s the judge,” she said to herself, “because he is wearing a great wig.”

The judge, by the way, was the King; and his crown was put on over the wig.

“And that’s the jury-box,” thought Alice, “and those twelve creatures,” (she called them “creatures,”, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) “I suppose they are the jurors.” She felt very proud of her knowledge.

The twelve jurors were busy writing something. “What are they doing?” Alice whispered to the Gryphon.

“They’re writing down their names,” the Gryphon whispered in reply, “because they are afraid of forgetting them before the end of the trial.”

“Stupid things!” Alice began in a loud voice, but she stopped immediately because the White Rabbit cried out, “Silence in the court!” and the King put on his spectacles and looked round.

“Herald, read the accusation!” said the King.

And the White Rabbit began to read: —

 

“The Queen of Hearts,

she made some tarts,

All on a summer day:

The Knave of Hearts,

he stole those tarts,

And took them quite away!”

 

“Give your verdict,” the King said to the jury.

“Not yet, not yet!” the Rabbit hastily interrupted.

“Call the first witness,” said the King; and the White Rabbit called out, “First witness!”

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. “I beg pardon, your Majesty,” he began, “for bringing these things here: but I haven’t finished my tea yet.”

“It’s not good,” said the King. “When did you begin?”

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who was in the court too with the Dormouse. “Fourteenth of March, I think it was,” he said.

“Fifteenth,” said the March Hare.

“Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse.

“Write that down,” the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates.

“Take off your hat,” the King said to the Hatter.

“It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter. “I sell them,” the Hatter added as an explanation; “I’ve no hats of my own. I’m a hatter.”

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter, who became pale.

“Give your evidence,” said the King; “and don’t be nervous, or you’ll be executed right now.”

These words frightened the witness even more so that he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment Alice had a very curious feeling, which puzzled her greatly until she understood what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and at first she wanted to get up and leave the court; but then she decided to stay where she was.

“Give your evidence,” the King repeated angrily, “or you’ll be executed, whether you’re nervous or not.”

“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, “ – and I hadn’t begun my tea – about a week or so ago…”

“If that’s all you know about it, you may sit down,” the King said.

“I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.

“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court.

“ – and just take his head off outside,” the Queen added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.

“Call the next witness!” said the King.

The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand and the people near the door began sneezing all at once.

“Give your evidence,” said the King.

“I can’t,” said the cook.

The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, “Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.”

“Well,” the king said in a deep voice, “What are tarts made of?”

“Pepper, mostly,” said the cook.

“Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her.

“Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Off with his whiskers!” the Queen screamed.

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion and the cook disappeared.

“Never mind!” said the King, with great relief. “Call the next witness.” And he added to the Queen, “Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. I have a headache!”

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he looked into the list, feeling very curious to see the next witness, “ – they haven’t got much evidence YET,” she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out very loudly the name “Alice!”