Chapter 8. The Queen’s Croquet-Ground

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses were white, but there were three gardeners painting them red. Alice thought this was very curious, and she went nearer to watch them. They were quarrelling. Suddenly one of the gardeners noticed Alice who was standing and watching them. The others saw her too and all of them bowed low.

“Would you tell me,” said Alice, a little timidly, “why you are painting those roses?”

One of the gardeners whose name was Two explained: “It must be a RED rose-tree but we planted a white rose-tree by mistake. If the Queen knows about it we will all have our heads cut off. So we are doing what we can before she comes…” At this moment the gardener whose name was Five cried: “The Queen! The Queen!” and the three gardeners fell down onto the ground. Alice heard the sound of many footsteps and looked round to see the Queen.

First came ten soldiers who looked like the three gardeners, with their hands and feet at the corners; next were the ten courtiers ornamented with diamonds. Then came ten royal children; they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it didn’t notice her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King’s crown on a cushion; and last came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

Alice stood still and waited. When the procession came near her, they all stopped and looked at her.

“What’s your name, child?” the Queen asked turning to Alice.

“My name is Alice, your Majesty,” said Alice very politely. And she added to herself, “They’re only a pack of cards. It’s stupid to be afraid of them!”

“And who are THESE?” said the Queen, pointing at the three gardeners lying round the rose-tree.

“How can I know?” said Alice, surprised at her own courage. “It’s no business of MINE.”

The Queen became red with anger and screamed “Off with her head! Off – ”

“Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

The King put his hand upon her arm, and timidly said “My dear, she is only a child!”

“Can you play croquet?” the Queen shouted her question after a pause.

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was for her.

“Yes!” Alice shouted back.

“Come on, then!” shouted the Queen, and Alice joined the procession.

“It’s – it’s a very fine day!” said a timid voice near her. She was walking near the White Rabbit, who was looking anxiously into her face.

“Very,” said Alice: “ – where’s the Duchess?”

“Hush! Hush!” said the Rabbit in a low tone. He looked anxiously around and whispered into Alice’s ear “She will be executed.”

“What for?” said Alice.

“Did you say “What a pity!”?” the Rabbit asked.

“No, I didn’t,” said Alice: “I don’t think it’s a pity. I said “What for?””

“She boxed the Queen’s ears – ” the Rabbit began. Alice laughed. “Oh, hush!” the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. “The Queen will hear you! You see, she came late, and the Queen said – ”

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen very loudly and the game began. Alice had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life: the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes and the arches were made of soldiers.

The main difficulty for Alice was to use her flamingo: when she was going to hit the hedgehog with its head, it looked up in her face with such a puzzled expression that she began laughing; when she was ready to begin again the hedgehog was crawling away. So Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was really a very difficult game.

The players all played at once without waiting for each other, quarrelling all the time, and fighting for the hedgehogs; very soon the Queen became furious and shouted “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” every minute.

Alice began thinking how to get away. Suddenly she noticed something curious in the air. Soon she understood it was a grin of the Cheshire Cat.

“How are you getting on?” said the Cat as soon as his mouth appeared.

Alice waited till the whole head appeared, put down her flamingo, and began to tell the Cat about the game. The Cat probably thought a head was enough, so no more of him appeared.

“How do you like the Queen?” said the Cat in a low voice.

“Not at all,” said Alice: “she’s so – ” Just then she noticed that the Queen was behind her, listening: so she went on, “ – likely to win, that it’s not interesting to finish the game.”

The Queen smiled and moved on.

“Who ARE you talking to?” said the King, coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s head with great curiosity.

“It’s a friend of mine – a Cheshire Cat,” said Alice: “allow me to introduce it.”

“I don’t like the look of it,” said the King: “however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.”

“I don’t,” the Cat remarked.

“Don’t be rude,” said the King, “and don’t look at me like that!” He stood behind Alice as he spoke.

“A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. “I’ve read that in some book, but I don’t remember where.”

“Well, it must be removed,” said the King very decidedly and called the Queen.

The Queen knew only one way. “Off with his head!” she said, without even looking.

“I’ll bring the executioner myself,” said the King, and hurried away.

Alice decided to go back and watch the game. When she caught her flamingo there were no hedgehogs or arches around. So she went back to talk with her friend a little more.

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to see a large crowd around him.

Alice could only say “He belongs to the Duchess: ask HER about him.”

“She’s in prison,” the Queen said to the executioner: “bring her here.” And the executioner went off.

At that moment the Cat’s head began fading away and when the executioner was back with the Duchess, it had disappeared completely.

So the King and the executioner began looking for it while all the others went back to the game.

Chapter 9. The Mock Turtle’s Story

“You can’t imagine how glad I am to see you again, my dear!” said the Duchess when she and Alice walked off together.

Alice was very glad to see her so pleasant, and she thought to herself that perhaps only the pepper had made her so angry when they met in the kitchen.

“When I’M a Duchess,” she said to herself, (but not in a very hopeful tone), “I won’t have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup is good without it.”

She quite forgot about the Duchess, and was a little frightened when she heard her voice close to her ear. “You’re thinking about something, my dear, and you forget to talk.”

Alice did not like very much to be so close to the Duchess: first, because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she put her chin on Alice’s shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she didn’t say anything.

“Are you wondering why I don’t put my arm round your waist,” the Duchess said after a pause: “the reason is, I’m afraid of your flamingo.”

“HE can bite,” Alice replied.

“Very true,” said the Duchess: “flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is – ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’”

“But mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice remarked.

“Right, as usual,” said the Duchess.

“It’s a mineral, I THINK,” said Alice.

“Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who agreed to everything that Alice said; “there’s a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is – ”

“Oh, I know!” exclaimed Alice, who wasn’t listening, “it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like a vegetable, but it is.”

“I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess; “and the moral of that is – ”

But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess suddenly stopped talking and her arm began to tremble. Alice looked up and saw the Queen who was standing in front of them and frowning like a thunderstorm.

“A fine day, your Majesty!” the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.

“Now, you may choose,” shouted the Queen; “either you or your head must be off, and immediately! Take your choice!”

The Duchess took her choice, and in a moment she was gone.

“Let’s go on with the game,” the Queen said to Alice; Alice was too frightened to say a word, so she slowly followed her back to the croquet-ground.

Without the Queen the other guests were having a rest: however, when they saw her, they hurried back to the game, because the delay could cost them their lives.

The game continued but as the Queen often shouted her favourite: “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” very soon all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were under arrest.

Then the Queen said to Alice, “Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?”

“No,” said Alice. “I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is.”

“It’s the thing what Mock Turtle Soup is made from,” said the Queen.

“I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice.

“Come on, then,” said the Queen, “and he will tell you his history,”

As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice, to the company, “You are all pardoned.” “THAT’S a good thing!” she said to herself.

Very soon they came to a Gryphon. “Take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back,” the Queen said and Alice was left alone with the Gryphon. She did not quite like the look of the creature, so she waited.

The Gryphon watched the Queen and when she was out of sight it chuckled. “What fun!” said the Gryphon.

“What IS the fun?” said Alice.

“Well, SHE,” said the Gryphon. “they never execute anybody, you know. Come on!”

When they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, he was sitting sad and lonely and, as they came nearer, Alice heard that he was sighing as if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. “What is his sorrow?” she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, “Well, he hasn’t got any sorrow, you know. Come on!”

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.

“This young lady,” said the Gryphon, “wants to know your history.”

“I’ll tell it to her,” said the Mock Turtle: “sit down, both of you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.” So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, “I don’t see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn’t begin.” But she waited patiently.

“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, “I was a real Turtle.”

“When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on after a very long pause, “we went to school in the sea. We had the best teachers – in fact, we went to school every day – ”

“I’VE been to a day-school, too,” said Alice. “We learned French and music as extras.”

“And washing?” asked the Mock Turtle.

“Certainly not!” said Alice indignantly.

“Ah! Then your school wasn’t a really good school,” said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief.

“I couldn’t afford to learn washing.” said the Mock Turtle with a sigh.

“Then what did you learn?” asked Alice.

“Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle replied, “ – Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography. An old master taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.”

“What was THAT like?” said Alice.

“Well, I can’t show it you myself,” the Mock Turtle said: “I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.”

“Had no time,” said the Gryphon.

“And how many hours a day did you have lessons?” said Alice.

“Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: “nine the next, and so on.”

“What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice.

“That’s the reason why they’re called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked: “because they lessen from day to day.”

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little before asking “Then was the eleventh day a holiday?”

“Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle.

“And what was on the twelfth?” Alice went on eagerly.

“That’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon interrupted, “tell her something about the games now.”