Chapter 6. Humpty-Dumpty

However, the egg only became larger and larger, and looked more and more human. When she had come to it, she saw that it had eyes and a nose and mouth. It was Humpty Dumpty himself. ‘It can’t be anybody else!’ she said to herself. ‘I’m sure of it!’

Humpty Dumpty was sitting on the top of a high wall. It was so narrow that Alice wondered how he could keep his balance. He didn’t move and didn’t look at Alice.

‘He looks exactly like an egg!’ she said aloud.

‘It’s very unpleasant,’ Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence, looking away from Alice, ‘when someone calls an egg!’

‘I said you looked like an egg, Sir,’ Alice gently explained. ‘And some eggs are very pretty,’ she added.

‘Some people,’ said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as usual, ‘have no more sense than a baby!’

Alice didn’t know what to say to this: it wasn’t like a conversation. So she stood and repeated to herself:

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the King’s horses

and all the King’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty

in his place again.

 

‘That last line is too long for the poetry,’ she added. She forgot that Humpty Dumpty could hear her.

‘Don’t stand there talking to yourself like that,’ Humpty Dumpty said and looked at her for the first time, ‘tell me your name.’

‘My name is Alice…’

‘What a stupid name!’ Humpty Dumpty interrupted. ‘What does it mean?’

‘Must a name mean something?’ Alice asked.

‘Of course it must,’ Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh: ‘my name means the shape I am… and it’s a good handsome shape. With a name like yours, you can be any shape.’

‘Why do you sit here alone?’ asked Alice. She didn’t want to begin an argument.

‘Because there’s nobody with me!’ said Humpty Dumpty. ‘Did you think I didn’t know the answer to that? Ask another.’

‘Don’t you think you’d be safer down on the ground?’ Alice went on, ‘This wall is so narrow!’

‘What easy questions you ask!’ Humpty Dumpty said. ‘Of course I don’t think so! If I fell off, the King has promised me to…’

‘To send all his horses and all his men,’ Alice interrupted.

‘That’s too bad!’ Humpty Dumpty cried. ‘You’ve been listening at doors… and behind trees… and down chimneys… you can’t know it!’

‘I haven’t!’ Alice said very gently. ‘It’s in a book.’

‘Oh, well! They may write such things in a book,’ Humpty Dumpty said. ‘That’s what you call a History of England. Now, take a good look at me! I’m one that has spoken to a King. May be you’ll never see such another. See, I’m not even proud, you may shake hands with me!’ And he grinned almost from ear to ear and gave Alice his hand.

‘Yes, all his horses and all his men,’ Humpty Dumpty went on. ‘They’d pick me up again in a minute! However, this conversation is going on too fast: let’s go back to the last question.’

‘I’m afraid I can’t remember it,’ Alice said, very politely.

‘In that case we start again,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘and it’s my turn to ask questions… How old did you say you were?’

Alice said: ‘Seven years and six months.’

‘Seven years and six months!’ Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. ‘An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you’d asked me, I’d advise you to stay at seven… but it’s too late now.’

‘I never ask advice about growing,’ Alice said.

‘Too proud?’ he asked.

‘What a beautiful belt you’ve got on!’ Alice changed the subject, ‘or… a beautiful cravat… no, a belt, I mean. I beg your pardon!’ she was very much puzzled. ‘If only I knew,’ she thought to herself, ‘which was neck and which was waist!’

Humpty Dumpty was very angry and said nothing for a minute or two.

‘It is terrible,’ he said at last, ‘when a person doesn’t know how a cravat looks like! It’s a cravat, child, and a beautiful one. It’s a present from the White King and Queen!’

‘Is it really?’ said Alice, she was pleased to find a good subject at last.

‘They gave it to me,’ Humpty Dumpty went on, ‘for… an un-birthday present.’

‘But what is an un-birthday present?’

‘When somebody gives you a present and it isn’t your birthday, of course.’

Alice looked at him thoughtfully. ‘I like birthday presents best,’ she said.

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about!’ cried Humpty Dumpty. ‘How many days are there in a year?’

‘Three hundred and sixty-five,’ said Alice.

‘And how many birthdays have you?’

‘One.’

‘And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five?’

‘Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.’

‘No… I’d like to see it on paper,’ he said.

Alice smiled, took out her note-book and wrote:

365 – 1 = 364

Humpty Dumpty took the book and looked at it carefully. ‘Yes, I think that’s right…’ he began.

‘You’re holding it upside down!’ Alice interrupted.

‘I was sure of that!’ Humpty Dumpty said when Alice turned it round for him. ‘I thought it looked strange… So it shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days when you may get un-birthday presents…’

‘Certainly,’ said Alice.

‘And only one for birthday presents, you know. There’s glory for you!’

‘What do you mean by “glory”?’ Alice asked.

Humpty Dumpty smiled. ‘I’ll tell you. I meant “there’s a nice argument for you!”’

‘But “glory” doesn’t mean “a nice argument”,’ Alice said.

‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean.’

‘The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

‘The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master… that’s all.’

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything. After a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. ‘They’ve a temper, some of them… especially verbs: they’re the proudest… adjectives… you can do anything with them, but not verbs… however, I can do anything I want with them! Impenetrability!’

‘Would you tell me please,’ said Alice, ‘what that means?’

‘Now you talk like a clever child,’ said Humpty Dumpty. ‘I meant by “impenetrability” that we’ve had enough of that subject, and it would be nice if you’d say what you are going to do next. I think you don’t want to stop here all the rest of your life.’

‘That’s great when one word means a lot,’ Alice said in a thoughtful tone. ‘You are very good at explaining words, Sir,’ said Alice. ‘Would you tell me the meaning of the poem, which is called “Jabberwocky”?’

‘Let’s hear it,’ said Humpty Dumpty. ‘I can explain all the poems!’

Alice repeated the first verse:

 

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.’

 

‘That’s enough to begin with,’ Humpty Dumpty interrupted: ‘there are a lot of hard words there. “Brillig” means four o’clock in the afternoon… the time when you begin broiling things for dinner.’

‘That’ll do very well,’ said Alice: ‘and “slithy”?’

‘Well, “slithy” means “lithe and slimy”. “Lithe” is the same as “active”. You see it’s like a portmanteau… there are two meanings packed into one word.’

‘I see it now,’ Alice said thoughtfully: ‘and what are “toves”?’

‘Well, “toves” are something like badgers… they’re something like lizards…’

‘They are very curious creatures.’

‘Yes, they are,’ said Humpty Dumpty; ‘also they make their nests under sun-dials… and they eat cheese.’

‘And what’s about “gyre” and to “gimble”?’

‘To “gyre” is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To “gimble” is to make holes like a gimlet.’

‘And “the wabe” is the lawn round a sun-dial?’ said Alice, she finally understood something.

‘Of course, it is. It’s called “wabe” you know, because it goes a long way before it, and a long way behind it…’

‘And a long way beyond it on each side,’ Alice added.

‘Exactly so. Well then, “mimsy” is “flimsy and miserable” (there’s another portmanteau for you). And a “borogove” is a thin bird, which looks very shabby.’

‘And then “mome raths”?’ said Alice.

‘Well, a “rath” is a sort of green pig, but “mome” I’m not sure about it…

‘And what does “outgrabe” mean?’

‘Well, “outgribing” is something between bellowing and whistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle. Where did you find this hard poem?’

‘I read it in a book,’ said Alice. ‘Tweedledee told me one, which was much easier.’

‘As to poetry, you know,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘I can repeat poetry too…’

‘Oh, you don’t have to!’ Alice quickly said, hoping to keep him from beginning.

‘The piece that I’m going to repeat,’ he didn’t notice her words, ‘was written for you.’

Alice sat down and said sadly: ‘Thank you’.

 

‘In winter, when the fields are white,

I sing this song for your delight…

 

only I don’t sing it,’ he added.

 

‘In spring, when woods are getting green,

I’ll try and tell you what I mean…’

 

‘Thank you very much,’ said Alice.

 

‘In summer, when the days are long,

Perhaps you’ll understand the song:

In autumn, when the leaves are brown,

Take pen and ink, and write it down.’

 

‘I will, if I can remember it,’ said Alice.

‘Stop making remarks like that,’ Humpty Dumpty said: ‘they’re not sensible, and they put me out.’

 

‘I sent a message to the fish:

I told them “This is what I wish.”

The little fishes of the sea,

They sent an answer back to me.

The little fishes’ answer was

“We cannot do it, Sir, because…”’

 

‘I’m afraid I don’t understand,’ said Alice.

‘It will be easier,’ Humpty Dumpty replied.

 

‘I sent to them again to say

“It will be better to obey.”

The fishes answered, with a grin,

“Why, what a temper you are in!”

I told them once, I told them twice:

They would not listen to advice.

I took a kettle large and new,

Fit for the deed I had to do.

My heart went hop, my heart went thump:

I filled the kettle at the pump.

Then some one came to me and said

“The little fishes are in bed.”

I said to him, I said it plain,

“Then you must wake them up again.”

I said it very loud and clear:

I went and shouted in his ear.’

 

Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this:

 

‘But he was very stiff and proud:

He said, “You needn’t shout so loud!”

And he was very proud and stiff:

He said “I’d go and wake them, if…”

I took a corkscrew from the shelf:

I went to wake them up myself.

And when I found the door was locked,

I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked.

And when I found the door was shut,

I tried to turn the handle, but…’

 

There was a long pause.

‘Is that all?’ Alice asked.

‘That’s all,’ said Humpty Dumpty. ‘Good-bye.’

It was very sudden, Alice thought: but she understood the hint that she should go. So she got up, gave him her hand. ‘Good-bye, till we meet again!’ she said cheerfully.

Humpty Dumpty gave her one of his fingers to shake and said: ‘You’re exactly like other people.’

‘You should look at my face, people have different faces,’ Alice said in a thoughtful tone.

‘That’s a problem,’ said Humpty Dumpty. ‘Your face is the same as everybody has… the two eyes, nose in the middle, mouth under. It’s always the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for example… or the mouth at the top… it would help.’

‘It wouldn’t look nice,’ Alice said. But Humpty Dumpty only shut his eyes.

Alice waited a minute but he didn’t say anything. She said ‘Good-bye!’ once more and quietly went away. And as she went, she said to herself: ‘Of all the unsatisfactory people I ever met…’ She didn’t finish the sentence, because at this moment she heard a terrible noise.