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Как-то раз, будучи еще подростком, я прогуливалась с друзьями в торговом центре и увидела там синюю футболку с надписью «Будь самим собой». Она была меньшего размера и не очень подходила мне. Когда я примерила ее, она некрасиво растянулась у меня на груди. Мне приходилось постоянно натягивать ее книзу, чтобы живот не торчал из-под нее. Друзья пытались отговорить меня от этой покупки. «Зачем тебе нужна такая неудобная футболка?» – смеялись они. Но я все равно приобрела и носила ее постоянно, и даже запечатлена в ней на групповом фото класса. Представьте себе: прыщавая зануда-отличница в очках и с торчащими волосами, к тому же в футболке, которая ей мала. И все равно, надевая ее, я хоть немного улыбалась. Со стороны это выглядело довольно странно, но когда я смотрю на это старое фото, оно напоминает мне, какой я была тогда.
В то время мне было не понять этого до конца, но я смутно чувствовала, что та футболка хранила в себе какой-то секрет. Многие люди советовали мне «вылезти из своего убежища» и «перестать быть такой тихоней». Мои одноклассники обычно много смеялись, шутили и без конца болтали между собой. Им было незачем прятаться в своих комнатах, чтобы писать стихи, читать приключенческие романы или просто витать в облаках. В отличие от меня, общение со своими сверстниками доставляло им настоящую радость. Думаю, эта футболка содержала важное послание для меня, и мне потребовалось много лет, чтобы расшифровать его.
Я по-прежнему верю, что эта дурацкая майка, которая была мне мала, хранила особый секрет. Поэтому последняя важная мысль, которой мне хочется поделиться с вами: будьте самими собой. Если вы не хотите идти на вечеринку в пятницу вечером – не ходите. Если вам нужно побыть одному – на здоровье. Не носите вечную маску экстраверта, какой бы необходимой она вам ни казалась. Если вы будете притворяться тем, кем вы не являетесь, то непременно будете чувствовать себя несчастным и несостоявшимся в этой жизни, так и не начнете заниматься тем, что поистине ваше. Вы можете оказаться в такой же ситуации, что и я в юные годы: вам будет казаться, что с вами что-то не так. Но, вместо того чтобы бороться со своей природой интроверта, обратите ее себе на пользу.
Этот совет может показаться противоречащим предыдущему, где я призывала вас ничего не бояться. Но это не так. Жить без страха – значит не позволять страху удерживать вас от ваших желаний, а быть самим собой – значит разрешить себе быть спокойным интровертом, то есть тем, кем вы являетесь на самом деле.
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На английском языке
Rendall, David J. The Freak Factor: Discovering Uniqueness by Flaunting Weakness. Charleston: Advantage, 2015.
Sapala, Lauren. „You’re Not Responsible for Other People’s Feelings.“ Introvert, Dear, August 19, 2016. https://introvertdear.com/news/youre-not-responsible-for-other-peoples-feelings/.
Cain, Susan. Interview by author. Email. January 25, 2017.
Cain, Susan. „The Power of Introverts.“ Filmed February 2012. TED video, 19:04. https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.
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