Chapter X

The Lobster Quadrille

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and looked at Alice, and tried to speak. Gryphon began to shake it and punch it in the back. At last the Mock Turtle, with tears that were running down his cheeks, went on again:

“You did not live much under the sea…”

(“I did not,” said Alice)

“and perhaps you did not see a lobster…”

(Alice began to say “I once tasted…” but hastily said “No, never”)

“so you probably do not know what a nice dance a Lobster Quadrille is!”

“No, indeed,” said Alice. “What sort of a dance is it?”

“Why,” said the Gryphon, “you first form into a linealong the sea-shore—”

“Two lines!” cried the Mock Turtle. “Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then you advance twice—”

“Each with a lobster as a partner!” cried the Gryphon.

“Of course,” the Mock Turtle said, “advance twice, set to partners—”

“—change lobsters, and retire in same order,” continued the Gryphon.

“Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went on, “you throw the—”

“The lobsters!” shouted the Gryphon.

“—as far to sea as you can—”

“Swim after them!” screamed the Gryphon.

“Turn a somersault in the sea!” cried the Mock Turtle.

“Change lobsters again!” yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.

“Back to land again, and that’s all the first figure,” said the Mock Turtle, suddenly became silent; and the two friends sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.

“It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice timidly.

“Do you want to see it?” said the Mock Turtle.

“Very much indeed,” said Alice.

“Come, let’s try the first figure!” said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. “We can do without lobsters, you know. Who will sing?”

“Oh, you will sing,” said the Gryphon. “I forgot the words.”

So they began to dance round and round Alice, while the Mock Turtle sang a song about a whiting and a snail very slowly and sadly.

“Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance to watch,” said Alice.

“Oh, you saw the whiting,” said the Mock Turtle, “of course?”

“Yes,” said Alice, “at dinn—” she stopped hastily.

“I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said the Mock Turtle, “but if you see them so often, of course you know what they’re like.”

“I can tell you more than that, if you like,” said the Gryphon. “Do you know why it’s called a whiting?”

“No,” said Alice. “Why?”

“It does the boots and shoes,” the Gryphon replied very solemnly.

Alice was puzzled.

“Does the boots and shoes?” she repeated.

“Yes. Why are your shoes so shiny?” asked the Gryphon.

Alice looked down at her shoes.

“Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, “are white. Now you know.”

“So,” the Mock Turtle said, “Let’s hear about your adventures.”

Alice began to tell them her adventures from the time when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it at first, the two creatures came close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths very wide.

The Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said “That’s very curious.”

“Maybe another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?” the Gryphon offered. “Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?”

“Oh, a song, please!” Alice replied eagerly.

“Hm! Sing her ‘Turtle Soup,’ will you, old fellow?” said the Gryphon.

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, with sobs, to sing this:

 

“Beautiful Soup,

$$$$$$$so rich and green,

Waiting in a hot tureen!

Who for such dainties

$$$$$$$would not stoop?

Soup of the evening,

$$$$$$$$$$beautiful Soup!

Soup of the evening,

$$$$$$$$$$beautiful Soup!

Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!

Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!

Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,

Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

 

 

Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!

Beau—ootiful Soo—oop!

Soo—oop of the e—e—evening,

Beautiful, beautiful Soup!’

 

“Chorus again!” cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle began to repeat it, when they heard a cry: “The trial’s beginning!”

“Come on!” cried the Gryphon, and he took Alice by the hand, and hurried off.

“What trial is it?” Alice asked; but the Gryphon only answered “Come on!” and ran faster and faster.

Chapter XI

Who Stole the Tarts?

The King and Queen of Hearts were sitting on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled around them—many different birds and beasts, and the whole pack of cards. The Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him. Near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it. They looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry.

Alice was in a court for the first time. But she read about courts in books “That’s the judge,” she said to herself, “because of his great wig.”

The judge was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, he did not look comfortable.

“And that’s the jury-box,” thought Alice, “and those twelve creatures,” (she said “creatures,” you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) “I suppose they are the jurors.” She said this last word two or three times over to herself. She was very proud of it: very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.

“What are they doing?” Alice whispered to the Gryphon.

“They’re putting down their names,” the Gryphon whispered in reply, “they do not want to forget them before the end of the trial.”

“Fools!” Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, because the White Rabbit cried out, “Silence in the court!”

The King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. Alice went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity to take it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) did not understand anything. So he began to write with his finger; but this was useless.

“Read the accusation!” said the King.

The White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and began to read:

 

“The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,

All on a summer day:

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,

And took them quite away!”

 

“Consider your verdict,” the King said to the jury.

“No, no!” the Rabbit hastily interrupted. “Let’s—”

“Call the first witness,” said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, “First witness!”

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other.

“I beg pardon, your Majesty,” he began, “but I was drinking my tea when they called me.”

“So what?” said the King. “When did you begin?”

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who entered, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. “Fourteenth of March, I think it was,” he said.

“Fifteenth,” said the March Hare.

“Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse.

“Write that down,” the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

“Take off your hat!” the King said to the Hatter.

“It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter.

“You stole it!” the King exclaimed.

“I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as an explanation; “I do not have my own hats. I’m a hatter.”

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began to look at the Hatter. The Hatter turned pale.

The Hatter looked uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation: she was beginning to grow larger again. She wanted to get up and leave the court; but then she decided to remain where she was.

“What are you doing?” asked the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. “I can’t breathe.”

“Sorry,” said Alice very meekly: “I’m growing.”

“You’ve no right to grow here,” said the Dormouse.

“Don’t talk nonsense,” said Alice more boldly: “you know you’re growing too.”

“Yes, but not so fast,” said the Dormouse. And it got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.

“Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!” the Queen ordered.

“Tell what you know of this case,” the King said, “or I’ll have your head off.”

“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, “and I did not finish my tea—and I took my bread-and-butter—and the tea—”

“What?” said the King.

“It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied.

“Of course with a T!” said the King sharply. “Do you take me for a fool? Go on!”

“I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “and as the March Hare said—”

“I didn’t!” the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.

“You did!” said the Hatter.

“I deny it!” said the March Hare.

“He denies it,” said the King.

“Well, the Dormouse said…” the Hatter went on slowly, but the Dormouse denied nothing. It was asleep.

“After that,” continued the Hatter, “I cut some more bread—”

“But what did the Dormouse say?” one of the jury asked.

“That I can’t remember,” said the Hatter.

“You must remember,” remarked the King, “or I’ll have you executed.”

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee.

“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” he began.

“You’re a very poor speaker,” said the King. “If that’s all you know about it, you may sit down.”

“I want to finish my tea,” said the Hatter, and looked at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.

“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court.

“…and just take his head off outside,” the Queen added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was far away.

“Call the next witness!” said the King.

The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. She carried the pepperbox in her hand. The people near the door began to sneeze at once.

“Tell what you know of this case,” said the King.

“I shan’t,” said the cook.

The King looked at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, “Your Majesty must make her tell.”

“Well, if I must, I must,” said the King with a sad look. He folded his arms and frowned at the cook, then asked in a stern voice, “What are tarts made of?”

“Pepper, mostly,” said the cook.

“Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her.

“Catch that Dormouse,” the Queen shrieked out. “Off with its head! Turn him out of court! Pinch him! Off with his head!”

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, they ran here and there, they were trying to catch the Dormouse. The cook disappeared.

“That’s all right,” said the King. “Call the next witness.”

Alice watched the White Rabbit. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit called her name: “Alice!”