Chapter V

Wool and Water

She caught the scarf, and looked around, where is the owner? In another moment the White Queen came running through the wood, and Alice went out to meet her with the scarf.

“I’m very glad I’ve met you here,” Alice said, she helped the White Queen to put her scarf on again.

The White Queen only looked at her, and kept repeating something in a whisper that sounded like “bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter.”

Alice saw that the Queen was very untidy.

“What has happened to you hair?” asked Alice.

“The brush has got entangled in it!” the Queen said, “And I lost my comb yesterday.”

Alice did her best to get the hair into order. “You look better now!” she said. “But really you should have a maid!”

“I’ll take you with pleasure!” the Queen said. “Twopence a week, and jam every other day.”

Alice laughed, as she said, “I don’t want to be your maid … and I don’t care for jam.”

“It’s very good jam,” said the Queen.

“Well, I don’t want any today, anyway.”

“No,” the Queen said. “The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday … but never jam today.”

“It can be sometimes ‘jam today’,” Alice said.

“No, it can’t,” said the Queen. “It’s jam every other day.”

“I don’t understand you,” said Alice.

“That’s the effect of living backwards,” the Queen said kindly.

“Living backwards!” Alice repeated in great surprise. “I have never heard about it!”

“Memory works both ways then.”

“I think my memory works only one way.” Alice said. “I can’t remember things before they happen.”

“It’s a bad memory that works only backwards,” the Queen said.

“What sort of things do you remember best?” Alice asked.

“Oh, things that happened the next week,” the Queen said. “For instance, now there’s the King’s Messenger. He’s in prison now, he is punished: and the trial won’t begin till next Wednesday: and of course there hasn’t been any crime yet.”

“Perhaps he will never commit the crime?” said Alice.

“That would be better, wouldn’t it?” the Queen said.

Alice felt that it was true. “Of course it would be better,” she said: “but he is already in prison and he hasn’t committed the crime yet.”

“You’re wrong,” said the Queen: “were you ever punished?”

“Only for faults,” said Alice. “That makes the difference.”

“But if you hadn’t done them,” the Queen said, “that would be better; better, and better, and better!” Her voice went higher with each “better,” till it got to a squeak at last.

The Queen began screaming very loudly, “Oh, oh, oh!” shouted the Queen, shaking her hand. “My finger’s bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!”

“What’s the matter?” Alice asked, “Have you pricked your finger?”

“I haven’t pricked it yet,” the Queen said, “but I will soon—oh, oh, oh!”

“When are you going to do it?” Alice was puzzled.

“When I touch my scarf again,” the poor Queen said: “the brooch will prick me. Oh, oh!” As she said these words the brooch opened.

“Be careful!” cried Alice. But it was too late. The Queen had pricked her finger.

“Now you understand the way things happen here,” she said to Alice with a smile.

“But why don’t you scream now?” Alice asked.

“I’ve screamed already,” said the Queen.

By this time it was getting light. “The crow has flown away, I think,” said Alice, “I’m so glad it’s gone!”

“I wish I could be glad too!” the Queen said. “There is a rule. You must be happy when you live in this wood, and be always glad!”

“Only it is so lonely here!” Alice said, and two large tears came rolling down her cheeks.

“Oh, don’t cry!” cried the poor Queen. “Think about what a good girl you are. Think about what a long way you’ve come today. Think about what o’clock it is. Think about anything, only don’t cry!”

Alice laughed, “Does it help you not to cry?” she asked.

“Listen,” the Queen said: “nobody can do two things at once. Let’s think about something … how old are you?”

“I’m seven and a half.”

“And I’m one hundred and one, five months and a day,” the Queen said.

“I can’t believe that!” said Alice.

“Can’t you?” the Queen asked. “Try again: breathe and shut your eyes.”

Alice laughed. “You see,” she said, “I can’t believe impossible things.”

“You haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Sometimes I’ve believed about six impossible things before breakfast. Oh, the scarf again!”

The brooch opened again, and a sudden wind blew the Queen’s scarf across a little brook. The Queen jumped over it and caught it. “I’ve got it!” she cried.

“I hope your finger is better now,” Alice said very politely, and crossed the little brook after the Queen.

“Oh, much better!” cried the Queen, her voice rose to a squeak as she went on. “Much be-etter! Be-etter! Be-e-eetter! Be-e-ehh!”

Alice looked at the Queen, then she rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn’t understand what had happened. Was she in a shop? And was that really … was it really a sheep that was sitting here? She was in a little dark shop, and there was an old Sheep, who was sitting in an arm-chair and knitting.

“What do you want to buy?” the Sheep asked.

“I don’t know yet,” Alice said, very politely. “I would like to look all round me first.”

“You can look in front of you, and on both sides,” said the Sheep: “but you can’t look all round you—you don’t have eyes at the back of your head.”

Alice looked at the shelves and came to them.

The shop was full of curious things … but something was very strange about this shop. Every time she looked at any shelf, that shelf was always empty, but the others were full.

Alice was puzzled a lot and looked at the Sheep. She was now working with fourteen pairs of needles at once, and Alice was very much surprised.

“How can she knit with so many?” Alice thought to herself. “She gets more and more!”

“Can you row?” the Sheep asked and gave Alice a pair of knitting-needles.

“Yes, a little … but not on land … and not with needles…” Alice said, when suddenly the needles turned into oars in her hands, and she understood that they were in a little boat. So Alice had to row.

“The water is very strange too,” she thought, because every time the oars got in it they would hardly come out again.

“Feather! Feather!” the Sheep cried. “And you will catch a crab.”

“A dear little crab!” thought Alice. “I would like to catch it!”

“Didn’t you hear me? I say ‘Feather’!” the Sheep cried angrily and took more needles.

“I did,” said Alice: “you’ve said it very loudly. But where are the crabs?”

“In the water, of course!” said the Sheep. “Feather, I say!”

“Why do you say “feather” so often?” Alice asked at last. ’I’m not a bird!”

“You are,” said the Sheep: “you’re a little goose.”

It offended Alice a little, so they didn’t talk to each other for a minute or two. The boat went gently on.

“Oh! There are some waterlilies!” Alice cried. “They are so beautiful! Please, may we wait and pick some? If you don’t mind.”

Alice stopped rowing, the boat stopped. So Alice forgot all about the Sheep and the knitting, she tried to get the most beautiful water-lilies.

“I hope the boat won’t turn over!” she said to herself. “Oh, what a lovely water-lily! Only I can’t reach it.”

“The prettiest are always further!” she said at last when she sat back in the boat.

But the next moment the waterlilies began to fade and lose all their beauty. Real water-lilies last very little … and these were dreamwater-lilies, which faded even faster … but Alice didn’t notice it, there were so many other curious things to think about.

Suddenly one of the oars got in the water and didn’t come out again, and Alice fell down among the water-lilies.

However, she wasn’t hurt, and was soon up again. The Sheep went on knitting, as if nothing had happened.

“That was a nice crab!” the Sheep said.

“Where? I didn’t see it,” said Alice, looking over the side of the boat into the dark water. “I wish I took one crab home with me!” But the Sheep only laughed and went on with her knitting.

“Are there many crabs here?” said Alice.

“Crabs, and all sorts of things,” said the Sheep, “plenty of choice, only make up your mind. Now, what do you want to buy?”

“To buy?” Alice repeated. The oars, and the boat, and the river, had vanished in a moment, and she was back again in the little dark shop.

“I should like to buy an egg, please,” she said. “How much?”

“Fivepence for one … Twopence for two,” the Sheep said.

“Then two are cheaper than one?” Alice said in a surprised tone.

“Only you must eat them both, if you buy two,” said the Sheep.

“Then I’ll have one, please,” said Alice and put the money on the counter.

The Sheep took the money. Then she said “I never put things into people’s hands … you must get it for yourself.” And she took the egg and put it on a shelf.

Alice started her way among the tables and chairs, it was very dark in the shop.

“Let me see, is this a chair? Oh, it’s got branches! There are trees! And there is a little brook! Well, this is the strangest shop I have ever seen!”

So she went on, wondering more and more at every step. Everything turned into a tree when she came up to the egg.