Chapter 4

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

They were standing under a tree, each with an arm round the other’s neck. Alice knew which was which, because one of them had “dum” on his collar, and the other “dee”. “I think they’ve got “Tweedle” at the back of the collar,” she said to herself. She wanted to look if the word “Tweedle” was written at the back of each collar, when one, who had “dum”, said, “If you think we’re statues made of wax, you should pay!”

“And,” added the one, who had “dee”, “if you think we’re alive, you should speak.”

“I’m very sorry,” said Alice. The words of the old song kept ringing through her head like the ticking of a clock:

 

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

Agreed to have a battle;

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee

Had spoiled his nice new rattle.

Just then flew down a monstrous crow,

As black as a tar-barrel;

Which frightened both the heroes so,

They quite forgot their quarrel.

 

“I know what you’re thinking about,” said Tweedledum. “But it isn’t so.”

“I was thinking,” Alice said very politely, “which is the best way out of this wood. It’s getting dark. Could you tell me, please?”

But the fat little men only looked at each other and grinned.

“You are wrong!” cried Tweedledum. “The first thing you should do is to say ‘How do you do?’ and shake hands!”

And the two brothers gave each other a hug, and then they raised the two hands that were free to shake hands with Alice.

Alice took both hands at once: the next moment they were dancing in a ring. After they stopped, Alice asked: “I hope you’re not tired?”

“No. And thank you for asking,” said Tweedledum.

“Do you like poetry?” asked Tweedledee.

“Yes … I like poetry,” Alice said. “But could you tell me which road leads out of the wood?”

But Tweedledee began:

 

“The sun was shining …”

 

Alice interrupted him. “If it’s very long,” she said, “would you please tell me which road …”

But Tweedledee smiled, and began again:

 

“The sun was shining on the sea,

Shining with all his might:

He did his very best to make

The billows smooth and bright—

And this was odd, because it was

The middle of the night.

The Walrus and the Carpenter

Were walking close at hand;

They wept like anything to see

Such quantities of sand:

“If this were only cleared away,”

They said, “it would be grand!”

 

 

“O Oysters, come and walk with us!”

The Walrus did beseech.

“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,

Along the briny beach:

We cannot do with more than four,

To give a hand to each.”

 

 

And four young Oysters hurried up,

All eager for the treat:

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,

Their shoes were clean and neat—

And this was odd, because, you know,

They hadn’t any feet.

 

 

Four other Oysters followed them,

And yet another four;

And thick and fast they came at last,

And more, and more, and more—

All hopping through the frothy waves,

And scrambling to the shore.

 

 

The Walrus and the Carpenter

Walked on a mile or so,

And then they rested on a rock

Conveniently low:

And all the little Oysters stood

And waited in a row.

 

 

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,

“To talk of many things:

Of shoes—and ships— and sealing-wax —

Of cabbages—and kings —

And why the sea is boiling hot —

And whether pigs have wings.”

 

 

“But wait a bit,” the Oysters cried,

“Before we have our chat;

For some of us are out of breath,

And all of us are fat!”

“No hurry!” said the Carpenter.

They thanked him much for that.

“A loaf of bread,” the Walrus said,

“Is what we chiefly need:

Pepper and vinegar besides

Are very good indeed —

Now if you’re ready, Oysters dear,

We can begin to feed.”

 

 

“But not on us!” the Oysters cried,

Turning a little blue.

“After such kindness, that would be

A dismal thing to do!”

“The night is fine,” the Walrus said.

“Do you admire the view?”

 

 

“It was so kind of you to come!

And you are very nice!”

The Carpenter said nothing but

“Cut us another slice:

I wish you were not quite so deaf—

I’ve had to ask you twice!”

 

 

“It seems a shame,” the Walrus said,

“To play them such a trick,

After we’ve brought them out so far,

And made them trot so quick!”

The Carpenter said nothing but

“The butter’s spread too thick!”

 

 

“I weep for you,” the Walrus said:

“I deeply sympathize.”

With sobs and tears he sorted out

Those of the largest size,

Holding his pocket-handkerchief

Before his streaming eyes.

 

 

“O Oysters,” said the Carpenter,

“You’ve had a pleasant run!

Shall we be trotting home again?”

But answer came there none —

And this was scarcely odd, because

They’d eaten every one.”

 

“I like the Walrus,” said Alice, “because he was a little sorry for the poor oysters.”

“But he ate more than the Carpenter,” said Tweedledee.

“Then I like the Carpenter … if he didn’t eat so many as the Walrus.”

“But he ate as many as he could get,” said Tweedledum.

“Well! They’re both very unpleasant characters,” Alice said. “And what is this noise?”

“It’s only the Red King! He is snoring,” said Tweedledee.

“Come and look at him!” the brothers cried. They each took one of Alice’s hands, and showed her the sleeping King.

“Isn’t he lovely?” said Tweedledum. “He’s dreaming now. What do you think he’s dreaming about?”

Alice said, “Nobody can guess that.”

“About you!” Tweedledee said, clapping his hands. “You’re his dream!”

“If the King wakes,” added Tweedledum, “you will disappear … bang! And that’s it!”

“No, I won’t!” Alice said. “Besides, if I’m only his dream, what are you then?”

“The same,” said Tweedledum.

“The same,” cried Tweedledee.

Suddenly Tweedledum asked, “Do you see that?” He pointed with his finger at a small white thing that was lying under the tree.

“It’s only a rattle, an old rattle … very old and broken.”

“I knew it!” cried Tweedledum and he looked at Tweedledee, who tried to hide himself under the umbrella. “It isn’t old! I bought it yesterday!”

He turned to Tweedledee. “Do you agree to have a battle?”

Once they were ready to battle, Tweedledum asked if he looked pale.

“Well … yes … a little,” Alice said.

“I’m very brave,” he said: “but today I have a headache.”

“And I have a toothache now!” said Tweedledee. “I’m feeling worse than you!”

“Then don’t fight today!” said Alice.

“We must fight, but what’s the time now?” said Tweedledum.

Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said, “Half-past four.”

“Let’s fight till six, and then have dinner,” said Tweedledum.

Alice laughed. “All of this because of a rattle!”

“It was a new rattle!” cried Tweedledum.

“I wish the monstrous crow would come!” thought Alice.

“We must begin. It’s getting dark,” said Tweedledum.

“And darker,” said Tweedledee.

It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice thought it was a thunderstorm.

“What a thick black cloud it is!” she said. “And how fast it comes!”

“It’s the crow!” cried Tweedledum.

And the two brothers ran away quickly.

Alice ran into the wood, and stopped under a large tree.

“It can never get at me here,” she thought: “it’s too large to fly among the trees. It makes a hurricane in the wood … oh, here’s somebody’s scarf!”